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Scottish National Dictionary (1700–)

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First published 2005 (SND, online supplement).
This entry has not been updated since then but may contain minor corrections and revisions.

CLYDE, n.prop. The river in central Scotland on which Glasgow stands.

Phr.: to come up the Clyde on a banana boat; variants to come up the Clyde on a bike, to come up the Clyde on a wheelbarrow, to come up the Clyde on a banana skin. Phrs. used, usu. in neg., as an indication of stupidity or naïvety (Bnff., Fif., Edb., Ayr., Dmf., Rxb. 2000s).Gsw. 1986 Moira Burgess in Deirdre Chapman Scottish Short Stories 1986 36:
'I'm gonny stand up for my rights, so I am. I didny come up the Clyde in a banana boat.'Sc. 1986 Scotsman 7 Mar :
Rosie has, nevertheless, the Glaswegian's keen instinct for the cant. The comment "I didn't come up the Clyde in a banana boat" would quickly halt a flow she considered ...Gsw. 1988 Michael Munro The Patter Another Blast 14:
Clyde Glasgow's river features in many catch-phrases. ... In the well-known question 'do you think I came up the Clyde on a bike?' the bike can be replaced by various alternatives, including a water biscuit and a coolie boat. ...

Phr.: he could fall inty the Clyde and come up wi ... , Phr. describing a very lucky person.Gsw. 1988 Michael Munro The Patter Another Blast 14:
Clyde Glasgow's river features in many catch-phrases. For example, someone who is considered unusually fortunate may have it said of him: 'He could fall inty the Clyde an come up wi a fish supper' or '... wi his pockets full a fish.' ...Sc. 1995 Daily Mirror 18 Aug 38, 39:
He could fall in the Clyde and come out with a trout in one pocket and sunken treasure in the other.Sc. 1998 Mail on Sunday 12 Apr 102:
We've a saying round here that he could fall in the Clyde and climb out with a big salmon in each pocket.Sc. 2000 Daily Record 12 Feb 41:
He has the most amazing aspect here, known as a real bringer of luck, suggesting that he could fall in the Clyde and come out with a tenner in his pocket.Sc. 2001 Daily Star 19 May 23:
Lauchlan — now starring for Dundee United — laughed: "He'd fall in the Clyde and come out with a salmon in his pocket."

Phr.: mouth like the Clyde Tunnel, Phr. used to describe a large-mouthed or loud-mouthed person.Gsw. 1985 Michael Munro The Patter 83:
a mouth like the Clyde tunnel Applied to a loudmouthed or talkative person.Sc. 1993 Observer 31 Oct 28:
Essentially what Mr Byrne seems to have done is to take the idea of the two boyos travelling round the Western Isles as the basis for a few comic routines of his own, including the notion of casting Boswell's manservant Joseph Ritter (Leo Sho-Silva), as a black keelie wi' a gub on him like the Clyde Tunnel.Sc. 2001 Daily Record 26 Apr 12, 13:
The Aussie princess with a mouth like the Clyde Tunnel should be so lucky to make it at No 5 ...